i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
