What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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