I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
