Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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