I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
