she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
