Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Terrible idea I love it
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
