I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
