4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
