barbara walters just said penis...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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