my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
