I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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