Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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