just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Girls should come with a carfax report
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize