They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
