they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
