all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
