she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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