her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Ladies don't puke and tell
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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