We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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