I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
