video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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