Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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