P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
