Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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