Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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