I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
