"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
do herpes really smell.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
a search helicopter?!
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
