so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
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So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
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Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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