i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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