oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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