So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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