dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
