Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
