Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
