You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
