i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
