and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
