we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
