been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
