You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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