I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
