do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
