he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
