i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
