he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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