Only a mothe r could love this liver
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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