Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
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You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
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Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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