She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I believe in your delicious
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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