you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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