An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
