you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize