that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
