ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
