we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
