chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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