The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
