so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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