so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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