does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
