Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
