Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
