I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
