All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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