i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
