When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
