Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
