Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It's never too late to be topless.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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